We struggle with anger, impulsiveness, negative thoughts, faulty decision making, procrastination and many similar character faults. The road is difficult, full of failures and regressions. We resolve to become better - but more often than not, revert to our old ways.

How can we overcome the sense of futility?  How do we maintain our self-esteem in the face of our failings?

Clearly toughening up and ceasing to care about our deficiencies is not the answer. Nor is obsessing over them.

The reason our failings leave us feeling depressed is because we have a false view of human psychology which leads us to question our inconsistent, unpredictable and often hypocritical behaviour:

I may be selfish one day, and selfless the next
At times I wouldn’t dream of hurting another human being and at others I do
I embark on behaviours which I know to be harmful
I sympathise with another’s failure, while inwardly happy

In the current JLI course on “How Happiness Thinks” we learnt that a better model of human psychology is to see ourselves  comprised of not one, but two souls.

"Like two kings who battle over one city . . .  so too the two souls, the Godly one and the animalistic one . . . battle each other over the body (Tanya Chapter 9).”

Just as it was with Jacob and Esau who fought each other in Rebecca's womb, so too life is a constant battle between our G-dly soul and our animal soul.

Neither hypocritical nor inconsistent - each of us are engaged in this life-long battle.

And that’s exactly how G-d wants it!

For the vast majority of us, our purpose is not ultimate victory but the constant struggle to attain it.

G-d desires our struggle and our small victories!

G-d derives deep joy and satisfaction when the “other side” is subdued, albeit temporarily! 

Despondency in the face of our never-ending struggles stems from conceit - we think of ourselves as entitled to win decisively and conclusively - as if we were Tzaddikim!

If we accepted that our task is to constantly do battle, we would understand, in the words of a famous sporting commentator, that “no win is final, no loss is fatal”; there is always another match to be played.

The struggle is not merely a means to an end. It is an end in itself. It is not the final victory that counts - each effort is a small victory. A small delay in gratification is a victory. The effort to do a individual mitzvah is a victory - irrespective of whether we regress later.

With this knowledge we should rejoice in every small victory in the knowledge that it gives G-d infinite pleasure. It also contributes to the breaking down of cosmic negativity and concealment.

~RBZ Shabbat Vayishlach 5775