Dear [first_name]

As I addressed the congregation on the First Night of Rosh Hashanah ~

Shana Tova to each of you and to all of your families.

These past few weeks have been very difficult for my family and I as we have nursed our deeply beloved Uncle Charlie through his final illness. He passed away here in Sydney on Shabbat after heroically fighting to live; the funeral took place this morning in Melbourne.

As anyone who has mourned the passing of a loved one knows, you are preoccupied with thoughts of the loved one and what’s really important in life. . Mixing with people, let alone making a public address, is the last thing you want to do. Indeed, I had considered not coming to Shul tonight. The reason I am here is because my Uncle never ceased expressing his pride in the work that we do for this community.

So many thoughts have been rushing into my mind these past few weeks. Please allow me a few minutes to share them with you and excuse me if I dispense with my usual attempt at humour this evening.

Gratitude

The first thing I would like to talk about is gratitude.

I wish you all a year of good health - good physical health and equally important, as we have come to realise recently,  good emotional and mental health.

But even more I urge you to appreciate the health you have.

My uncle, as so many others of his generation, lived an interrupted life. He wasn’t under Nazi occupation, thank G-d, but he lived in British controlled Burma threatened by the Japs. Responding to the call of the hour he abandoned university to join the Army never to return. A highly intelligent man, he never had the opportunity to realise the talents that he possessed. This coupled with the dislocation that followed the war, some bad luck and bad decisions, also meant that he was never as materially successful as his potential would have indicated.

But I never heard him complain. Quite the opposite, he was always happy for the opportunities that he did have. And if this was pronounced during his healthy years, it was doubly so during the time of his illness. All we heard from him this past year was the deep gratitude he had for the many blessings in his life.

I recently celebrated my  60th birthday and asked my children to take upon themselves a resolution strengthening their Jewish commitment in my honour. My daughter Devorah Leah told me that she had taken upon herself to very mindfully recite the daily blessings in which we thank G-d for the basic gifts of life - our eyes, our mobility, our clothes, etc.

Today, after the funeral, she called to tell me why she took this upon herself. In her last conversation with Uncle Charlie he spoke so much about his gratitude for life, that she thought, “Hey, here is someone who is so very, very sick, and all he talks about is gratitude. Look at me, I am young, healthy. Do I really express gratitude for the good things in my life”

Helen Keller, the famous deaf-blind author, writes that she once asked a friend who had returned from a walk in the woods what she had seen that day. The friend said, “nothing much”. Helen Keller said she could hardly believe what she heard, and would have even been more incredulous had she not long ago realised that there are none so blind, as those with eyes but do not see, none so deaf as those with ears but do not hear. She even went so far as to wish that every young man or young woman experience deafness and blindness for a very short period in their young lives so that they would truly appreciate the gift of sight and the gift of hearing.

My father has been blind for several years - but somehow he manages to be on top of the world.. When I spoke to him on Friday he greeted me with such a top of the world “Hello Benzion” I could hear the joy in his voice. I once asked him, “If there was one thing that you would like, what would that be?” He told me to his see his grandchildren, to see the flowers, for just one day.

As anyone who has cared for a loved one would understand, my mum really feels the brunt of looking after my dad all day, every day. Although she is mostly fine, it does get her down from time to time, and who can blame her? But when she was recently in hospital and was asked by the social worker, “Why do you want to get better?” she responded, “I want to go home so that I can care for my husband.”

When it comes down to the line, it’s amazing what we hope for, what we express appreciation for!

So if there is one thing I would ask this Rosh Hashanah - it’s that we not only ask Hashem for a good and sweet year - but that we never stop appreciating the good and sweet things that we already have, but so often take for granted.

Love

The second thing I want to talk about is love. My uncle was always a loving man - my children always knew it and felt very close to him. But there was a lot more to him than love: he was very well read, an excellent bridge player, well versed in politics and an excellent debater. He also had a very sharp tongue with which he attacked what he considered false doctrines.

Charlie was not religiously observant. But in the weeks before his passing all we heard from him was love - love of G-d, love of the Jewish people, love of his family, love of our traditions.

After all is considered love really does trump all.

I think we all remember the voice messages that were left as the planes came crashing down on 9/11 - people called their loved ones and an overwhelming number ended their lives with the words, “I Love You”.

We are not living in Utopia. There are many things that we need to do in this world - there are even things that we need to take a strong stand against - but let’s never forget the overarching importance of love.

Some of you may have heard the despicable  incident that occurred in Washington DC last year. A very senior rabbi betrayed the trust of his community and installed cameras in the Mikveh so that he could be a “peeping Tom”. Hundreds of women were victimised this way. When it came to trial this year, many women testified including one who demanded that he be imprisoned for the full 17 years that the prosecution sought. The judge sentenced him to 6 1/2 years. The trial concluded just before sunset on Erev Shabbat. As they were leaving the courtroom the same woman said that she felt deep feelings of compassion for this rabbi who had taken such treacherous advantage of her: “What will he do for Shabbos? He’s not ready for Shabbos! Will he have kosher food to eat?”

In reminded me of what the first Lubavitcher Rebbe wrote in his Magnum Opus, Tanya: You must find good in every person; while hating his bad, you must love him for the good.  And then he concludes: Feel compassion for his G-dly soul that is exiled in depravity - compassion will abolish hatred and awaken love.

Let us never lose sight of love.

Awakening Love through Kindness

Finally I want to share with you something about someone who is likely going to be very upset with me, but say it I must. 

I have never seen the kind of love and caring that my wife, Rebbetzin Henya, displayed towards my uncle - getting up every morning at 6, shlepping out to Prince of Wales or to Little Bay, and often sitting with him all day without a break. Nursing him in our home last year. Taking him to countless appointments this year. This wasn’t a daughter - although she acted like the best daughter - this wasn’t even a niece, it was a niece-in-law.

Sure my uncle was a great guy - but there are many great guys. What motivated her to love him to such an extent?

I haven’t discussed this with the Rebbetzin, but permit me to give my own interpretation.

Rabbi Aryeh Carmel was walking one evening when he saw a person throw himself into the city river. He immediately jumped in after him and pulled him out and then waited until the ambulance came to take him to hospital. As he walked home, he asked himself, “Why did I do that? I’m dripping wet. I’ve ruined my best suit. I feel like I’m coming down with a cold” The next day, he went to visit the man in hospital, and the day after that, and the day after that. He asked himself, “Why am I doing this? There are lots of people who commit suicide in this city every year. Why do I care so much about him?”

And then it struck him: The Midrash says: “If you wish to truly love a person, do whatever you can to be good and kind to him. (אם חפץ אתה להידבק באבהתו של חברך הוה נושא ונותן בטובתן)” Our wise and saintly rabbis turn logic on its head. Normally you love a person and then you invest in them. The rabbis are telling us the opposite. Invest in people, and then you will come to love them!

We need more love in this world. Don’t wait for feelings of love. On the contrary: bring on the feelings through your actions!

Our Uncle Charlie loved the Jewish People with all his heart, soul and being. I have no doubt that he is at this moment arguing our case in Heaven for a wonderful year ahead.

May Hashem bless us all with a good and sweet year - and may we on our part open our eyes and hearts to gratitude, love, compassion and kindness.

On behalf of the Rebbetzen and my family and all of us at South Head, I wish you a Good Shabbos and Gemar Chatima Tova. May it be the year in which we march together to greet Moshiach!

Rabbi Benzion Milecki OAM

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